I was calling my best friend outside to tell her the tragic news and something hit the back of my head, HARD. She was the sassiest, kind hearted warrior I’ve ever had the pleasure of spending time with.Īnyways the first morning after she passed I was obviously in an absolute state of shock and sadness.
She was my everything and I truly believe she was sent to me to help guide my way and protect me from darkness. She was only 6 (super heathly otherwise) and I am severally depressed and hate the thought of her not being here a week later. My dog, who was so much more then a dog, passed away tragically in my arms from a blood clot that traveled to her lungs and essentially shut her whole body down. Happiness comes in all kinds of varieties, and remember if you cannot feel happy in one way, you can always try another - whether it's through laughter, appreciating beauty, curiosity in learning something new or relaxation rather than fun loud excitement.Ĭrazy story so I thought I’d share and see what others thought this meant, So perhaps, you cannot be happy in the sense of pure childlike joy and amazement, content satisfaction or gratitude, but yes, there is still room for hope in your life. Part of healing is to know what type of negative emotion you're feeling exactly, and what type of positive emotion you require exactly. There are different types of happiness and different types of sadness, as there are different types of anxiety, pain, anger, surprise, love and more. If you look up "different types of happiness," or "500 types of emotions," for example, you might discover there is more complexity to emotions than just happy or sad. The more severe the tragedy, the more hope can come to life. If the situation was not so, it would not be called "hope" but instead called "gratitude." You might seem to have a situation very different from hope, but hope is not about feeling a certain joy at knowing things will be alright in an already obvious situation of things being okay. Hope is defined in the sense that what you desire most in life is far from view. Hummingbirds represent hope, and hope is not an emotion that is present when times are going perfectly in your life. And that, for now, just for now, is enough.
But I can still sense her beauty, even if I cannot feel it. But what I hear from Raónraon today, at this moment, is that I Will Go On. It does feel like I can’t go on right now. I may never again find or taste the sweet nectar and beauty of life, even at its worst. And perhaps that is Raónraon’s message for me today. Perhaps I will never again feel like I can go on. Perhaps my soul feels only the blackness of the darkest and coldest night. Perhaps I can no longer believe, as I have always believed, that things will get better eventually.
Perhaps it feels, and will forever feel like I will never again go through life with Raónraon’s great energy and vivacity. Perhaps I cannot feel the joy for life that Raónraon seems to embody. And if there’s one thing that Hummingbird, Raónraon does more than any other creature that I can name is to Go On. I Will Go On.”, has always echoed in my soul, and echoes far more deeply at this moment. But what Samuel Beckett, one of the writers that I love most of all, wrote: “I Can’t Go On. I have never felt less like I could identify in any way with Hummingbird than right now. So the lightness and the energy of Raónraon seems out of place in my life right now. But I have never felt this numbness, this coldness, this nihilistic darkness that engulfs me now. And I have made so many people fall in love with me and broken so many hearts that the sheer guilt of knowing what I have done to so many who deserved so much better than me has left me with the certainty that I deserve nothing better than the pain and the sorrow that I have always known and always seem to spread. I have loved and had my heart broken so many times that the fragments seem like they will never fit together again. And, despite having lived a soul crushing life, whether it was manifested in rage, deep wracking grief or an always existing desire to be better than what I have been given, I have never ever lacked some kind of passion. As a trainer, my primary occupation for the last very long while I am having a difficult time finding a new place to train the few clients that I have left and I am just not the trainer that I used to be. I’ve lost so many souls and am still losing so many souls that I dearly love. Seizures, brain damage with increasingly failing memory. I have had some serious health problems lately. On the face of it Raónraon, Hummingbird seems like a sign and an animal that is the polar opposite of what it is that I’m living right now.
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